Four and a half years ago…. hard to believe so much time has passed. That’s the day I held our first born in my arms as her soul was already in heaven. I don’t have much to say tonight and I’m writing this on a whim. Not one day passes that I don’t think of her and remember how much she looked like Brandon. How perfect she was. It’s crazy when I look at Demi, I see her. How do our girls resemble Brandon and Beau resembles me?! Wild!
It’s surgery week for Demi and I’m full of emotions for sure. We have walked a difficult journey in parenthood. Not one ounce of it is really ever what I imagined, with the exception of watching Beau play his first organized sport. It’s hard. It’s always been hard, but we are strong and it’s so fulfilling to see the joy on both Beau and Demi’s faces.
I knew in Sawyer’s loss that our pain was not just for that. I knew I was being prepared for something more. Everyday, God really does reveal more to me. Losing Sawyer has helped me mother Beau and fight for Demi’s needs in a way I don’t know that I would have been prepared for without her loss. Sawyer is my angel. Sawyer made me a mother, the mother I am today. She has impacted all of us so deeply and her memory will never fade, as it is ever so present in my life every single day.
Lighting a candle for my angel in heaven that has blessed me with more on this earth without taking one breath on it.