Most people have heard the story of Job and know about the significant losses he experienced in his life and how God blessed him following that. I feel like our story has a similar outcome.
While at church this past Sunday, our pastor spoke about this story and explained how much Job lost and how God blessed him with double of everything he lost. The only exception was his children. Job had lost 10 children and God blessed him with 10 more, not 20. Our pastor began to explain that it is because his children that he lost, were not in fact lost, but had a simple change of address and Job would spend eternity with them one day.
This was an eye-opening sermon as well as quite the tear jerker for both my husband and I. Only two days prior we had found out that we were expecting a little girl. I cannot begin to explain to our excitement about this news. We have been so blessed with our little boy, Beau. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave us that little boy. Beau has given us both so much and more than we could have ever hoped for in a child.
With the loss of our daughter, Sawyer, we clearly lost our firstborn child, but a lot of times people don’t think about the length of the effects of her loss. We lost a lifetime of memories and experiences with her. We had spent months preparing for her and dreaming of what we would do with her. I know I couldn’t wait for a little partner in crime for all things girl. Someone to do hair, makeup, and nails with. A little girl to be like me and do the things I enjoyed as a little girl. I know Brandon thought about her first daddy-daughter dance, things like prom and the biggest thing I know that he thought about the most after losing her was her wedding day. It still brings tears to my eyes to imagine what that feels like to him when he thinks about losing that experience with her.
Now that we know we are expecting a girl again, some of these experiences that we always dreamed of are becoming a reality. I want it to be known that this little girl will never replace her sister. There will forever be a place in my heart that is missing a piece. There will forever be a part of me that longs for my firstborn child, my daughter, my Sawyer Grace. I can just say that we now can have new experiences with a little girl that will likely be that much sweeter due to her big sister’s impact on us. I can’t wait to flood my house in all things girl. So much pink you can’t stand it. I can’t wait to see my husband, a wonderful, loving and patient man be an impeccable father to a little girl. I can’t wait to see how her big brother will love on her and show her just how men treat women. We are truly blessed. Having patience in Gods plan for us hasn’t always been easy but it has been more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. I can’t wait for more of His plan to unravel for us.