Losing Control: Gaining Perspective

My personality has changed some over the years, but my need for structure and security has remained. I was extremely particular about things being in place growing up and everything being neat. I desired a routine and would even eat the same breakfast for months at a time. This goes as far back as I can remember.

As a mother, I thrived on a routine for Beau. I had him on an eating, napping and night time routine by about 6 weeks which I believe gave me a sleeping baby at 12 weeks. I’m sure it stressed many of my friends and family members to see me scurry around to stick to the routine but that routine is what made me feel accomplished as a mother, at that’s most important.

Demi was no exception to this. Demi has been on a routine but it’s been a little more loose since I didn’t have to worry about returning to work. Her routine has also allowed me to feel that sense of control that I desire. Controlling certain things is a big part of me obtaining the sense of structure and security.

Then comes the wrecking ball…..


I have been struggling with administering her medication for a week now and I finally feel like I see the light at the end of the tunnel!! She hates the medicine. I even brought it back for the pharmacist to flavor it and she still hates it. It literally makes her gag and then vomit. The problem is that she takes different medicines a minimum of 4-5 times a day and the lowest dose is 2ml and the highest is 6ml. That’s a lot for a 12 and half pound baby!

I was sneaking them in while nursing but that was a disaster and most of it was leaking out of her mouth. Then came the bottles!! She was refusing bottles for a bit and then she figured out the meds were in it and refusing it then too. It was a disaster!! I have cried over this mess and probably lost sleep, hair and patience many times. Lots and lots of trail and error but the error side was making me so incredibly stressed because she wasn’t getting the medication in her system.

You may be wondering “Why did that stress you so badly?” The answer is because giving her these medications is something I can control in helping her. I’m giving her the medication that has been proven to help children with CT. these children have much greater outcomes developmentally and cognitively, so I NEEDED to be successful at this!

Brandon has said to me so many times, “it’s going to be ok” through this whole medication situation but I remained so fearful. I know looking back I should have just trusted it would all work out and that my sweet little girl was going to have the life God intends for her to have one way or the other. Boy is that hard! Let go, Jordyn! Trust in His plan!

And then there was yesterday! The turning point! My baby girl is accepting bottles, even from me, and the meds are mixed in! Hallelujah!! What an accomplishment!! What a deliverance! This little lesson was tough and I’m sure there will be many more. I know that God hears my prayers and He will continue to deliver! 🙌🙌


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