We arrived home tonight around 9 or so. It was not the best ride home, between standstill traffic for at least an hour or so, to multiple nursing session stops and to being between a 3 year old that just wants some attention from mom and a baby that has been through a heck of a lot in 3 days. I wasn’t sure what way to turn to keep both kids happy. My arms had no where to go because we were so snug. But then it clicked… my arms were right where they were supposed to be. One on each of my children in the car.
To say these past few days is hard is a total understatement but somehow through it all, God still found a way to humble me.
We made our way to St. Jude hoping to hear our daughter had some vision or maybe see at some point in her life. Then we sat in a waiting room with 3 families that all had a very young child with retinoblastoma, 2 of the 3 had one eye removed and the last one was well on their way to having one eye removed. They have been back and forth for months and years for different treatments. I saw sweet little babies, toddlers, young children and older children all fighting a fight that we have been cleared of. We even shared a shuttle ride with a woman and her 3 children, all of which were St. Jude patients. I saw one precious little boy who tried to play hide and seek with me while laying in his wagon and cracked a smile at me when he saw I played back, all while his little head was so red from radiation. He didn’t even know how precious I truly thought he was! I even saw him later and made sure to wave and smile.
I have never been in a place filled with Gods presence and yet horrible circumstance all at the same time. It was just more than I can describe. St. Jude is a wonderful place but I’m beyond thankful our journey is over on the side we were on.
Once we arrived home tonight, my house was clean, hot food was on our table, dessert and flowers greeted us with wonderful aromas at the door, my pantry and refrigerator were stocked but most importantly Beau’s bed was filled with new toys!!
We literally are surrounded with the most wonderful people and I could feel all the love so much in the past 3 days. Thank y’all for everything. Thank you for what I just mentioned above, but the most amazing gift was all of you being sure that God knew my daughters name and what her exact needs were.
We have a bit more to go but it seems like it will slow some. I have a lot of learning to do as well as some grieving of what I thought our future would look like with Demi. I know God will be with us each step of the way. I’m scared for what’s to come but I know that my strength is also coming. I see glimpses of it when I begin to feel sad because I pull myself out by seeking my blessings. It’s hard. It’s not easy. We are strong. We are faithful. And we will persevere.