Last week I missed Demi’s Neurologist appointment. It just simply slipped my mind the day of. I knew about it, it was on the calendar, I talked about it multiple times yet somehow I forgot!! I also missed one dose of medicine the following day as well as almost give Demi and injection on the wrong day.
I asked Brandon to come help me administer the shot and he replied, “it’s Thursday. We do shots tomorrow. It’s ok Jordyn, that’s why we are a team.” I’m literally in tears over that comment again. How kind was that of him? He knew I needed that though. I had been really struggling with the prior two mistakes I made, and feeling like I let Demi down. I feel like I have moved mountains for this girl and worked so hard to accomplish so much for her so you would think I wouldn’t be so upset about small mistakes. Wrong… I was so beside myself. I cried for sure. But, after some self reflection, I pulled it together and gave myself some grace.
This whole process is hard, it’s demanding, but that’s because I won’t settle for anything less than the best for Demi. That goes for all healthcare professionals in her life as well as myself.
I have had moments since St Jude that have been difficult to say the very least. Moments where fear consumed me, when anxiety tore me apart and jealousy even. I’m lucky to recognize these emotions fairly quickly, surrender the things I can’t control, and pray. I’m not great at giving myself grace but I’m getting there. Demi is teaching me more than I ever imagined. Despite how hard everything has been… I’m just realizing how prepared I was for her and her specific needs!